The 5 Best Decisions the Beatles Ever Made (and Why)

I'll not include "Forming the Beatles" as a decision because they weren't the Beatles when they formed. My list starts off with...

#1. Taking on the services of Mr. Brian Epstein.
The Beatles were a hard working bunch and obviously, when given the opportunity at EMI to create, they did alright for themselves. So they probably would have 'made it' in some capacity or other without the help of Brian Epstein. Probably. That's debatable. What isn't is the fact that they DID make it with Brian's help. Much has been made of his lack of business savvy and Lennon often made it part of his version of the Story that their association with Brian Epstein effectively neutered the band. But considering most bands with drive, talent, etc don't succeed, they could have made worse decisions regarding their collective future. Conservative, refined Brian Epstein opened up new venues and opportunities for the Beatles that they surely could not have done so themselves.

#2. Replacing Pete Best with Ringo Starr
It could be argued that the two people who had roles to play in the Big Beatles Movie that fared the best in the long run are Pete Best and Ringo Starr. In any interview I've seen of Pete Best he comes across as a nice fellow, seemingly at peace with the himself and the world, which is incredible when you stop and think about it. It can't be easy going through life as a metaphor for coming oh so close to fame and glory. But here he is, smiling and drumming. And according to Ringo Starr himself that pretty much sums up his own desires in life: being happy and making music. Bless his little metronome heart, he's out there still doing it too.

But it wasn't always so. There was a time when these two men's paths crossed behind a drum kit with one being turned away and one being welcomed into the biggest show on earth. I'll defer to George Harrison on this. He said in the Anthology that yes, well, maybe, ok, they could've handled the switch better but, in his mind, Ringo was always to be the drummer for the Beatles. Harrison himself put it in terms of a movie with Ringo not making his big entrance until the appointed time in August of '62. And I think George was right. Ringo fit nicely.

#3. Going to Hamburg
Hamburg is where the Beatles paid their dues. I'm an adherent to the '10% inspiration/90% perspiration' line of thought. Sure those guys were naturally talented but by God they slogged. Their stage hour statistics are out there in many a book and blog for all to see. You want to be Beatle good? Best get busy then.

#4. The Decision to Stop Touring
This is a decision that first and foremost benefited the Beatles. I tend to put more stock in George Harrison's accounts of Beatle lore so I'll quote him again in support of this. Regarding the world tours he said, "We were tired. We needed a rest." Pretty simple really. If the Beatles had continued on with touring they surely would have lost a little luster. Comparing footage of the likes of Jimi Hendrix, the Who, etc. from the late '60's to footage from the Beatles' last tours is revealing. Actually, it's embarrassing. If the Beatles had continued on as they were in that summer of '66 they would have simply lost the stage battles to the above mentioned giants. Two guitars, bass and drums. Pretty simple and devastatingly effective in a small venue (my kingdom for a complete Cavern Club performance!!) but limp and lost in a stadium. With rested heads and more time on their hands the Beatles did what they did best: made more great recordings.

#5. Calling It Quits
THE best decision the Beatles ever made was to break up.

HERETIC!!! BURN HIM!!!

Hear me out. The question was what were best decisions the Beatles ever made. I take that to mean what decisions did the group make that best benefited themselves. So, after nearly a decade together, leaving behind a body of recorded music that will never be bettered and just one of the greatest little stories ever told (with THE best soundtrack), they packed it in. It's a little sad that it went down the way it did but you only get one crack at this life business. I think they had given enough and deserved whatever peace of mind they each found. So for the individual members it was the best call. As for us, they left us enough to go on for our lifetime. The Beatles had a beginning, a middle and an end and the quality never dropped. They exist now as great as they did then and as great as they ever will be.

The Call of Love

As anyone who has been in a relationship of any substantial duration must know there are many milestone moments which can be reached and passed, each in turn creating a stronger bond. The obvious examples come to mind: first kiss, first time being intimate, first time meeting family and friends, etc. There is one crucial milestone that stands above the rest though and yet it is one that is seldom discussed in polite circles.

I am referring to the first time you fart in the presence of your mate or they in front of you. It is a moment during which one partner exposes him or herself even more than at any time in a relationship. At this moment your true inner thoughts and feelings about your mate are subconsciously revealed. The truth that is written on your heart is laid bare for all to see. It is a gaseous litmus test of love.

For those that would recoil in horror, unwilling or unable to overcome a lifetime of societal influence or simply because the love just isn't there, it is the end. It is the end of the shared car ride that is a relationship. The only thing left to do then is to safely steer the car to a stop on the side of the road and figure out the gas money.

Sadly, for both the farter and fartee, it is echoes of Genesis for now they are to know shame. Cruel but such is nature.

But be you lucky enough to have found your soulmate, the Marge to your Homer, or vice versa, or any combination thereof, the sometimes rocky and broken landscape of dating now gives way to the lush, fertile land of 'goin' steady' where new love may be nurtured and given a chance to grow.

To you the sound made as the by-product gasses of digestion passes through the anal sphincter of your amour is a cry of love like no other. It is an audible statement of their love for you or your love for them. It is one mate saying to the other, without words, that the two of you are bound in love on this car journey and they are there to map read all the way. You may not know where you are headed but, by God, you're headed there together.

A special word must be said of the partner who consciously takes the initiative and is the first to let fly, be it a loud, reverberating blast of passion or a mousey little squeak of affection. That person has cast a blind eye to the potential for flatulence-related embarrassment, as it pales in comparison to the power of love and has chosen their moment to profess to their mate their level of love and comfort. Admirable.

However, as with the act of love making, this is an act that, as beautiful and as meaningful as it is, it is best shared only between two lovers. A lady farted on the bus the other day and it almost made me forget about the fellow next to me that smelled like pee.